The Christ vs Conformity website is here!!!!

Yay! 

After the arrival of my mac, creating this website has been a piece of cake!

Check it out:

http://web.mac.com/eliorasedai

Grace and peace,

rAch

It's those moments waiting when there's nothing to do that I think
Somehow I've got it all wrong
I start questioning my beliefs, my life, my choices, my existence
But that never gets me anywhere

It's those times when all is right and life becomes mundane
That I have time to talk with God
With this pile of stuff around me, the wants, the needs, the waste
It's easy to forget to listen for

His voice whispering
Are you listening
To what this could be
And all that is
Are you sure
This is what you want
No I'm not sure
Of anything anymore

Writing poetry brings me back to the intricate simplicity of life. Being creative reminds me of all the things I miss:
Walking in the woods, without worry, leaving behind cares and just being.
Floating on my back in the ocean for hours, just listening to the waves, and imagining that I live beneath the depths where the world can't find me.
Singing familiar songs around a campfire, being friends and making friends.

Writing brings those things from the past into the present, and reminds me that all those things are also in my future.

Song of the Day: "Refugee" by the Psalters
Currenty Reading: "Jesus For President" by Shane Claiborne

I'm looking back at the events of last night in wonderment. It's amazing to think of what has transpired and how it could change my life.

Let me tell the whole story...

It all started Tuesday, when I thought it would be a good idea to call Courtney (I used to nanny for her, and she had e-mailed me to see if I could babysit on Friday. I had agreed, of course, even if it meant missing out on B&BS) and confirm what time she wanted me to be at her house that Friday night. She said, "Oh my gosh, I totally thought you had never confirmed it with me, so I asked our day-care person if she could do it!"
I wasn't too bummed out, cause we set a date to hang out at the zoo or the pool sometime in August.

That same day, I was online trying to remember the links from Shane's book "Irresistible Revolution" that I'd written down to remind me to visit them. I couldn't really remember them, and I ended up at a Jesus for President website that said Shane was going on a book tour!
I looked up the dates and lo and behold, he would be in D.C. on Friday night!
What providence!

Had Courtney not received my e-mail that confirmed that I could babysit for her, I would never have gone to this event, and nothing that transpired would have happened.

I called Matthias, and got Rebekah and Rachel (her friend from school) in on it, and i got directions to the place online.

We drove through the torrential rain to D.C. last night, determined that no amount of bad weather would keep us from going.

Not only did we see the authors of the book, Chris Haw and Shane Claiborne, but we also saw Brian McLaren and the Psalters (an awesome band that Lyn introduced us to)!!!

Shane and Chris read from the book, and the Psalters played in between at appropriate times.

It felt like going to church (and not just because the event was in a church).

I think that's how church should be: people coming together with a common purpose, seeking God's truth; while those with the gift of teaching read the word and expound upon it, the worship team should play applicable songs that bring the congregation closer to understanding God both in their minds and in their hearts.

instead, we have a system, and order of worship in which music that may or may not apply to the "sermon" is played at a certain time (usually before the sermon), and then a couple of songs are played at the end of the service.
It's all meaningless, and often the sermon and the songs don't really apply to people's lives.
Just reading from the word and playing music at appropriate times (this would be planned out beforehand, between the worship leader and the teacher, of course) would be more meaningful for the congregation as a whole. THat's why I like expository teaching, not topical. If you are preaching on a specific topic, then you are only being relevant to certain people who are at certain stages of life (i.e. relevant to the young, but not the old, or relevant to the married but not the unmarried, or relevant to the person struggling to forgive, but not the one who forgives easily).

Often, reading the scriptures, I begin to hear songs in my head based on what I'm reading.
As I read about Jesus dying, the song "Once Again" starts playing in my mind.
As I read about grace in the letters of Paul, I hear hymns like "Come Ye Sinners", "My Lord I Did Not Choose You", and "Free Grace".
As I read the psalms, I hear many different songs of praise such as "How Great Thou Art", "Forever", and "I Lift My Eyes Up".

For every message of the bible, a song has been written. Imagine a church meeting where there was structure with spontinaity. What if we read a passage of scripture, and then sang a song about it, and then listened as a teacher explained it in detail, and then sang another song, and then heard another passage read, and sang another song that related to it. What if we really thought about the word, sang about the word, and praised God in a relevent way?

Anyway, so after the thing (I don't even know what to call it...it wasn't a service, it wasn't a show, it wasn't a tour...it was a gathering). So after the gathering, we went to meet Shane and Chris...I bought buttons that say "an eye for an eye...leaves the whole world blind," and "God Bless Everyone". I got the Psalters Cds and had Shane and Chris sign my book and give me recommendations on which books they would recommend that I read next.

Chris wrote in my book: "May you carry the blessing of Abraham and Sarah"
and Shane wrote: "May we become the church we dream of..."

After reading about Shane in his book "Irresistable Revolution", I felt like I knew him, and it's cool to actually meet someone that you only know information about.

So we decided to walk around D.C. in search of food. We hadn't walked a block before we encountered a homeless man. I have met a lot of homeless people, and they always have this way about them--kinda loopy, always saying "God bless you, praise the Lord," etc. and smiling, they also have a certain smell that is neither good or bad. He asked for some change. At first we passed by, and then we all turned, and Rachel said, "I wanna give him something". So we opened our wallets one by one, and gave him our fives. He asked us our names, and I think he said his name was Ron. It was amazing. I think homeless people love God more than any rich person, because they understand more than anyone that God loves them despite themselves. The homeless see every day how God provides for them, sustains their lives, no matter what kind of mess they've made it.

I'm left with this feeling that my life will never be the same.
I always wondered why I never felt at home in comfort,
now I know it's because I'm called to live a life that's uncomfortably close to the homeless.
I always wondered how to use my spiritual gifts of giving, service, and hospitality,
now I know that I should use them to provide for those in need.

At this moment, I'd like to thank those whom God has used to shape me into who I am.
First, my parents, for raising me with a foundational understanding of scripture (thanks mom for the Jewish history lessons...and dad, for helping me grasp the words of Paul and other new testament writers).
And Bekah and John, for being there through it all, thank you.
Thanks Martin, for showing me that it's possible (and true) that the church could be wrong about fundamental aspects of its doctrine, and that it's okay to believe that God loves His enemies enough to spare them an eternity of punishment. Thanks for your help in teaching me how to defend my renewed mindset to skeptics.
Thanks Shane, for showing me that another way IS possible. Thank you for exemplifying a different way of life, and for sharing your story with us so that we can see that it isn't idealistic to think someone like me can give it all away to live like Jesus.
Thanks to my dear sister and brothers in Christ, Heather, Lyn and Liam Bell, for introducing me to new concepts about how to take care of our world and our bodies, and for being such an encouragement to me. Thanks for teaching me not to care what people think of me.
Thanks Roshi, for all the philosophical conversations we have had and will continue to have in an attempt to understand the world. Thanks for just being my friend.
I thank God for my childhood friends Annelise and Victoria who influenced my life greatly in my younger years.
Thanks Erin, for being such a constant friend in the years adolescents need friends the most. Our adventures will stay with me forever.
Thanks, Gbenga, for teaching me so much about life and love. Our conversations provoked my thoughts to search out deeper truths.
And everyone else who has been part of my life, thank you.
But most of all, I thank God for placing me where He did, and for bringing all of you into my life in His time and His way.
You have been treasures in jars of clay to me.

Grace, peace, and love,
rAch

Song of the Day: "If God is My Father" - Larry Norman
Currently Reading: "The Irresistible Revolution"

My dad keeps warning me not to get "all caught up in that stuff." I think the idea of a new monasticism scares him somehow. I've always trusted his judgment, but something tells me he's judging this "book" by its cover instead of seeing it for what it really is.
So I am cautiously, skeptically, objectively considering Shane Claiborne's (and others') point of view. But no matter how hard I try to resist, the ideas contained in this book remain true to its title. I cannot resist this revolutionary mindset. Do you know why? Not because it's new, not because it has changed the way I see things, but because it confirms that everything I thought was wrong with the church really is wrong, and my hunch that the reason why was because no one really followed the teachings of Christ was right. All this time, I've known deep down what Shane is saying, and I've been crying out for someone to tell me how and why it is true.

It's just like when I was in CEF and I felt wrong for telling kids that they were going to suffer in Hell for all eternity if they didn't "accept" Jesus as their "personal" Savior. But as a young teenager, I didn't know who to ask, or even how to ask why. How could I go to my dad and say, "Why do Christian's believe in Hell?" Or later, when I started wrestling with the idea that a loving God could hate people so much, and I actually told my friend, "I don't think I believe that Hell is eternal. I believe it exists, but it can't possibly last forever. It is neither loving nor just for torment to be eternal in a world ruled by a loving God."
That was my statement, and I was told by that person that they were very worried about me, and that I should pray and talk to my pastor about it, blah, blah, blah.
In any case, I kept silent, not knowing who to talk to...I may have mentioned it to my sister, but I didn't even tell my parents.
Until one day, my dad came upstairs with his laptop during our family bible study of Romans, and we listened to the teachings of a guy named Martin Zender.
As I heard what he was saying, I remember squeal/yelling with delight, "What!! What is he saying???!! He's saying that Hell is not eternal!!!" and what I was thinking was, "Oh my God, I was right! But how could this be? How could the church as a whole be so deceived? What if this is just from Satan, to tickle my ears and give me what I want to hear?" But I knew, because my Spirit testified within me, that this was from God. It was a blessed evening, and so much of what I believe has changed since then.

So, just as Martin Zender confirmed my beliefs that I hadn't been able to articulate or fully understand, Shane Claiborne has also done this for me.

I haven't really been convinced by Shane's words so much as I've felt confirmed by them.

Shane talks about how most people say, "Jesus saved my life! He turned it from a mess to a beautiful thing to behold!"
And Shane salutes those people, but goes on to share that, "Jesus ruined my life."

Shane and I have a lot in common. That's one of the things I like about him. He spend his young life in Tennessee (sound familiar?), and he was well-churched and accustomed to youth group. But when Jesus really revealed who He is to Shane, it made his life a mess. See, Jesus showed Shane how to live the way He did, and religious people don't like that. Religious people never have liked Jesus, because He challenges their boxed-in way of looking at things, their stale way of living life. But Jesus is so great, religious people don't want to throw Him away all together, so they just twist His words (or just water them down) and make Him into something He's not, and only then do they snap on WWJD? bracelets.

Yes, I've been speaking against the religious spirit that the church has followed in Christ's place for years, but I've always felt like leaving the church wasn't the answer.
No, I don't feel guilty if I miss church on Sunday. But I do feel that it's important to maintain a community with other believers. I go to church to maintain a relationship with those who also seek to follow Christ. I say "seek", because most haven't quite gotten there yet (heck, I've got a long way to go), but I'm hoping that we can change each other to be more like Christ.

Honestly, I think Christians spend most of their time figuring out how to have their cake and eat it too. We wear WWJD? bracelets and red books like "So You Want To Be Like Christ?" by Charles Spurgeon, and yet we look like the rest of the world.
Andrew Peterson (a great singer/songwriter) puts it this way, "I've carried my cross through the dens of the wicked, you know I blended in just fine."
We should not look like the world. Not only that, but the world should actually hate us, not because we are killing them because we consider them to be dangerous enemies, or dare I say "terrorists", but because we challenge their systematic way of life. Jesus came to radically change the way we think, feel, and live. The true follower of Christ would refuse to conform to the patterns of this world no matter what the cost.
Early Christians who converted often left their jobs, families, and friends behind. In those days, Christians were not to be in the military, because those who served in the Roman Army were required to call Caesar "god" and "savior" of the world, a title reserved for the one True God.
Besides, Jesus taught us to practice non-violence (remember the turn your other cheek thing?). So serving in the military would have been the opposite of serving Christ. And we know that a person cannot serve both God and mammon (i.e. the things of this world).

The problem with Christians is that we want to serve God and mammon, and it just doesn't work that way. Jesus says that trying to do so will only result in loving one and despising the other. It makes me sad to think that Christians pursue God and mammon only to fall into patterns of spending more time chasing mammon than God. People think that by voting republican and giving 10% of their money to the church, and attending church once (more than once is best) a week, that they are serving God and putting Him first. But God is really just sitting on the back burner, since, when it comes down to it, most of their time is spent toiling after money, popularity, and entertainment, all of which are things of this world, not of God.

We are called to be a Kingdom that is NOT of this world.
Lest you remain unconvinced that the church isn't anything more than the pharisees risen from the dead, let me show you how the church is just like the world:

First, let's consider the priorities of worldly people:

1. Money.
2. Personal happiness/satisfaction
3. Meaningful relationships

Let's consider Jesus' top priorities:

1. Meaningful relationships
2. Suffering to preserve those relationships
3. Making more relationships

Alright, so Jesus pretty much has ONE priority, and all the others are just facets of it.
Well, of course God's priority is relationship with mankind, since He did create mankind in the first place...and what for, except to have more relationships with more people so that he could share more of His unfathomable love?

The world's pattern of living includes frequent divorce, exploitation of the poor (mostly by ignorance, but in this day and age there is really no excuse for ignorance when info is at our fingertips), materialism, debt, and addiction to twisted versions of God's creation which bring pleasure.

But Jesus shows us a pattern of living that is one of restoration, giving to the poor and the sick, living without plenty, but with simply enough, and freedom from the sins which poison our lives.

The world hates, while we are called to love.

So let's compare this to the church.
Even though Jesus' message is one of peace and restoration, the church continues to support the military. We vote to save the unborn while voting to kill those who are already alive (i'm not saying abortion is not wrong, but I believe any killing is wrong, whether it's sending poison into a
fetus or sending troops to war).

Even though Jesus tells us to give what we have to the poor, to reach out to the sinners and the needy, to invite them into our homes, we surround ourselves with only those who are like us: rich (or middle-classed) church attenders who give 10% and keep the rest for themselves.
Jesus said, "The poor will always be among you." But where are the poor among us? Exactly.
They're not among us, because we've barb-wired them outside.

Even though Jesus has called us to love not just those who love us, but also our enemies, we continue to gossip and to act hatefully towards those who offend us.

Do you have more than one coat? Then you have stolen from a person in the world who has none.
Do you throw away half of your food? Then you have starved one of the least of these.
This might seem a little extreme, and it's not as if you can take all your coats and just give them away (well, you could), or give your food to people who need it. But what about inviting a homeless person to dinner? Are you afraid that he will rob you or hurt you? Jesus said "fear not, I have overcome the world." There's nothing on this earth that we should be afraid of. If Jesus said, "feed the hungry," then do you not believe He will protect us when we obey Him?
People say to me, "Don't be so reckless. You're not being wise."
But I say, "The wisdom of the world is folly in the kingdom of God."
It's an upside-down kingdom; it's a place where believers who work in a clinic run out of all medicine to give to the sick except Pepto-Bismal and give it to people by tablespoons, marveling at the power of God as He heals every one of them and sustains the bottle of pink liquid until all are restored (true story, read Shane's book for details).
It's a world where a man who gives his paycheck away every month never runs out of gas for an entire year (true story, call Heather for details).
It's a world where a burglar comes in, points a gun at you, and as you begin to pray aloud for him, he turns and walks away (true story).
It's a world where believers see miracles happen, and unbelievers sit at home or at church, wondering why God never shows His power any more.
The fact is, folks, God is not hiding from us, we are hiding from Him.
While we could be living in His amazing Kingdom, we choose to remain in the kingdom of this world.

I don't know about you, but I have grown increasingly uncomfortable with living in comfort.
C'mon, break off the chains, read the words of Jesus without those foggy lenses on, and start giving yourself over to Him.

He's already saved you, might as well let Him ruin your life.

Grace and peace,
rAch

You have to see this video. If it doesn't bother you to the point where you change the way you live, then I don't know what will.

http://www.storyofstuff.com/

Grace and peace,
rAch

Quote of the Day: "Be the change you want to see in the world." -Gandhi
Song of the Day: "Cry in My Heart" - Starfield

Note: This blog is kind of a continuation of June 14, so if you are new, please read that one first. =)

This morning over breakfast I decided to begin reading "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shaine Claiborne, since I now leave his book "Jesus for President" (which I am currently reading) in my car so I can read it when I have pockets of time to do so.

I couldn't get halfway through the introduction without stopping to wipe away the tears that blurred my vision as I read.
Reading his words was like hearing a song that relates to my life so acutely that I feel as though the singer wrote it for me, or that I could have written it.
It was like a breeze upon my face that takes me back to when I was a child and reminds me of who I really am.
But most of all, it was the feeling that I get when I've lost something, only I lost it so long ago that I've forgotten that it is lost; and then finding it, by some strange providence, and remembering how I loved it so, and wondering why I let it stay lost for so long, and asking why I let myself forget.

Let me share some of the words in the introduction to Shaine's book (no, I haven't gotten past the introduction yet):

"There is a movement bubbling up that goes beyond cynicism and celebrates a new way of living, a generation that stops complaining about the church it sees and becomes the church it dreams of," (pg. 24).


To understand why I am so moved by Shaine's words, you must understand a bit of my history...

I grew up in the church. When I was younger (around ten- to 12-years-old), I naively read about Jesus and took Him seriously. When He said, "Follow Me," I heard, "Be like Me." Period.
But I soon "learned" under the churches' teaching that actually being like Jesus was unpractical, unrealistic, etc.
And who was I to argue with such a philosophy? After all, these people had been Christians a lot longer than I had. They had to know what they were talking about. Instead of teaching me to be like my Rabbi and showing me how to imitate Him, they gave me other ways to "be like Jesus", such as:
tithing ten percent, going to church regularly, reading my bible every day, and wearing a cross around my neck.
As I grew older, I realized (thank the Lord) that none of those things have anything to do with following Christ. After all, Jesus never had anything to put in the offering plate--as far as we know, He paid taxes by taking a coin from the mouth of a fish--and there are only three records of Jesus ever setting foot in the equivalent of a church--and when He did, He made people angry.
As for reading the bible every day, well, Jesus probably had the whole thing memorized since Hebrew boys were required to memorize at least the first 5 books, if not the whole Tanakh. Jesus spent time alone with God, but He didn't carry a scroll with Him.
When Jesus died, He bore the cross with more love than we could ever fathom, and yet we wear a piece of silver or gold around our necks as we walk away from our cross instead of carrying it like Jesus taught us to.

In my early teenaged years, I believed that I could be like Jesus by obeying the great commission and becoming a missionary. I began in my own town, with a group called Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF). I spent my summer teaching bible lessons to kids in various homes on the island of Oahu, HI. I made a few converts, but unfortunately, I made no disciples.
This was not what Jesus had in mind when He sent us out into all the world.
He said, "Make disciples," and instead I told kids that unless they accepted Jesus as their Savior, God, who is just, would have no choice but to send them to a place called Hell for all eternity.

Thanks be to God, the Author of all creation and the provider of salvation to all that He has made for delivering me from those lies! May He continue to set the church free from the doctrines of man, which twist and corrupt the gospel into nothing more than an empty threat.

I hate what has happened to the church, and yet, I'm still in love with her.
I walk into church buildings and understand the devotion behind what has kept them standing.
I sing hymns and praise songs, and as my voice joins the others, I hear one voice, praising God.
Because of the church, have heard the scriptures read in many times and many ways, over and over, until the scripture permeates my being and I cannot think except in the context of the truth learned from it.

I have just as much to censure the church about as unbelievers do, yet I live with the hope that things will change. Brian McLaren says things MUST change.

I see the church as a people deceived for so long that they don't even know how to distinguish truth from lies anymore. And they're too comfortable in their own ways, homes, and lives, to even think about learning something new, considering that they might have been wrong all this time.

They are sheep, lead astray by the Deceiver, following the crowd.

But I'm also a lamb, and maybe if ordinary radicals like me began to jump off a cliff into the great unknown to be like Jesus in a real way, one by one, the rest would follow.

My heart has always known there is a better way. A way to live that defies the system, resists conformity, and "spreads love like violence" (borrowed from lyrics of Angels and Airwaves).
So instead of complaining about the church, I'm going to start changing it one disciple at a time.

Grace and peace,
rAch

Quote of the day: "You love because I first loved you." - Jesus

Listening to Dallas Willard, professor of Philosophy of some college in California, I took in some very amazing things.
He reminds me of Tim Keller. Very good, poignant teacher. He says things that are fundamentally true, that one already probably knows, in a new, profound way that hits you hard and stirs your heart.

Profoundly enough, I have come to realize that people really have no control over their lives. Things happen, without our knowledge or will. We do the things we don't want to do and don't do the things we want to do. So the only thing one can control is his/her mind.

Milton put it this way: "The mind is a place of its own. In it, one can make a heaven of hell [and/or] a hell of heaven."

One of my favorite proverbs (which is hanging on my wall...the beautiful wood-work was a gift from friends) is, "Guard thy heart above all things, for out of it come the issues of life," Prov. 4:23. Another version reads, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

For a long time, the meaning of this verse eluded me, kept me puzzling and questioning.
But suddenly, it came to me: Humans always act on their highest inclination at any given time, within the realm of their ability. In other words, if I am highly inclined to eat chocolate on a particular day, but have none in the house, I will most likely do whatever it takes (drive to the store and buy some) to get chocolate, unless there is a good reason to refrain (i.e. not enough money, etc.).
But what controls my desires? Doesn't desire reside in the heart?
So the verse could possibly read,
"Most importantly, guard your desires, for they determine the issues you will face in life."

Now, to take this further, according to scripture, man is born in sin. Genesis 6:5 says that every inclination of the heart of man [was/is] only evil all the time.
In other words, in default mode, people desire evil above all else. This evil can be practiced by any means from eating junk food every day (i.e. not taking care of the body we have been blessed with) to taking the life of a fellow human being.
All in all, our desires are corrupt.

Legalism aims to change the behaviors of people. Just like many of the hypocritical pharisees had white-washed tombs with death and decay hidden inside, many people that fill churches today do all the right things, and yet still desire evil and are unable to control it. Their desires remain corrupted, while their [seemingly] good actions try to hide their own sinfulness.

What we are left with is hypocritical Christians whom nobody respects (in or out of church circles), and broken hearted people, hurting and enslaved to rules and regulations they can't keep.

Legalism ties people to the law, which only encourages the sinful nature (which Paul points out in Romans 7-8).
But Jesus did not come to establish a religion, He came to set people free. How?
That question can be answered in one word: Love.

Think about it:
Our desires control our actions.
By trying to keep the law, we are trying to control our actions.
But we are unable to do so, because our desires have remained unchanged.
Why? Because instead of it being about what we want, we believe it's about what we do.

Dr. Willard talked about ethics and virtues, and how at the heart of virtuousness lies love.
Every virtue can only be truly carried out in love.
If a person does something good only for his/her own gain, and not out of pure love, then it is meaningless, and no longer a virtue.

This is the poison of sin: Human beings are incapable of doing/being good, because our desires are completely corrupted so that we are unable to truly love others.

But that's not the end of the story. It's not hopeless. This is what Jesus came for.
The popular (though it is becoming less and less so, thanks be to God) teaching that says Christ came simply to save those who choose to believe it from being punished for our sinfulness via an eternal, painful prison of flames, just isn't true.

Jesus didn't come to save us from Hell, He came to save us from ourselves.

You see, I am not able to love a person (not even my own child--I actually don't have a child, for those of you who are unaware--for even that love is corrupted, since I only love him/her because he/she is the only thing I will leave behind in this world when I leave...even animals "love" their offspring). Why? My desires, my nature is completely evil. And love is good, and good is the opposite of evil, which means that to truly love someone would be against my nature, against my desire.

However, if I knew that I was completely and utterly loved, not because of what I do, but despite what I do; not because I'm a good person, but in spite of the fact that I'm a bad person, only then can I love others.

Jesus put it this way, "You love because I first loved you."

Without the knowledge of His love, we cannot love.

And without love, we cannot do good or be virtuous, because we will continue to act on our desires, which are captive to sin.

Christ's love sets us free from sin!
We hear this, but don't understand what it really means.
It sets us free because it actually transforms our desires from evil to good.

Only when you understand how much God loves you will you begin to actually want to do good.
And only when you desire to do good are you able to do good.

Paul said, "God showed His great love for us in this: that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us," (romans 5:8)

We are called to believe in what Christ did for us not to save ourselves from punishment; we are called to believe because only when we believe in His love for us can His love (i.e. the Spirit of God) transform our desires.
After all, if we don't believe we are loved, how can we love others?

This is the good news, my friends.

Enough. my back is aching, and my eyes are getting sore.

Grace and Peace,
rAch